She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
