Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize