If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
