His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
