what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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