I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
