does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
