pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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