census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize