I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
