is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
