dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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