I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
do herpes really smell.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
