I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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