apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize