i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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