Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i drank out of a bidet.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
