My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
