Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Two words: blizzard sex
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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