Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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