This girl is more easily done than said...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
