Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
