Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Randomize
