Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize