She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
