it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We don't watch enough power rangers
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
