Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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