i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
