I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
