The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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