can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
