Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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