They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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