if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He uses pillows to masturbate.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
