Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My penis needs a shock collar
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
