Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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