I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
