I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
