So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It's just like the Real World with babies
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
