Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
