it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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