Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
