Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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