and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
