i need an iv and a liver transplant
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
