Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
