i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
