He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
