there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
