Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
