Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
