I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We're too hungover to prance.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
