Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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