How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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