just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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