Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
