i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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