10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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