Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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