I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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