ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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