we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
