I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
