what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Im part way to drunk.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
