Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
