Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
