I think i peed on brittanys purse
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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