I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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