I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
