the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
