You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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