Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
