And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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