this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
