I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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