strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
