you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You may now shotgun with the bride
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
