Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
