Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
