Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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