I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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