I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize