AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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