3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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