he puts the penis in happiness.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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